I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
The poem is a candle that my soul holds out to me, requesting I find a way to remember what it is to live a life with passion, on purpose. There is only enough light to take the journey step by step, but that is all any of us really needs. [...]
When you have the courage to shape your life from the essence of who you are, you ignite, becoming truly alive. This requires letting go of everything that is inauthentic. But how can you even know your truth unless you slow down, in your own quiet company? When the inner walls to your soul are graffitied with advertisements, commercials, and the opinions of everyone who has every known and labeled you, turning inwards requires nothing less than a major clean-up.
Traveling from the known to the unknown requires crossing an abyss of emptiness. We first experience disorientation and confusion. Then if we are willing to cross the abyss in curious and playful wonder, we enter an expansive and untamed country that has its own rhythm. Time melts and thoughts become stories, music, poems, images, ideas. This is the intelligence of the heart, but by that I don't mean just the seat of our emotions. I mean a vast range of receptive and connective abilities, intuition, innovation, wisdom, creativity, sensitivity, the aesthetic, qualitative and meaning making. It is here that we uncover our purpose and passion.
- Excerpt from the book I Will Not Die an Unlived Life by Dawna Markova
Walking away from a six-figure salary to pursue writing as a full-time career was one of the most difficult and terrifying decisions I’ve ever made. After spending decades pulling myself out of financial insecurity and living on my own, I dreaded the possibility of returning to a life of poverty. But as Markova beautifully states, I needed to find “the courage to shape [my] life”, and stop allowing “the company” and the society we live in to dictate my decisions.
One day, after listening to yet another one of my long ranting complaints about another rough day at the office, my father put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I did not bring you into this world for you to just work and suffer. Do you understand?”
I did understand. And I didn’t want to just work and suffer to reach someone else’s goals or fill someone else’s pockets [pockets that were already overfilled to begin with, mind you.] If I am going to struggle and fight and end up in the grave no matter what, I might as well do it on my terms.
But unfortunately, that is what many, if not most, of us do on a daily basis: work and suffer. Scavenging an hour or two from our busy days for ourselves and the relationships we’re trying so desperately to maintain. Delaying our true lives. Burying our passion. Discarding our dreams, as if they were trash. But our dreams are not trash. Besides our loved ones, our dreams, our desires, our hopes are the most important things in our lives. I truly believe this.
Even after nearly a year on this path, I am still quite afraid and often full of doubt. I am still in the process of “crossing the abyss of emptiness” without even a hint of what comes next. But my days are my own. My hours, to be spent as I wish. This is what true independence is.
I don’t have to wait until “lunch time” to eat. I can spend as long as I want creating what I want to create. I can talk and share my time with whoever I wish whenever I wish. My life will not be ruled by a CEO. A CEO that has become so far removed from their employees that an A.I. program would treat the staff with more humanity, if given the opportunity to replace them.
I will do everything I can to maintain this independence for as long as I can. I will not die an unlived life.
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This is dually inspiring—the beautiful poem and your story too. I too hope to live as unfettered as both of you suggest one day, and kudos to you for taking that step into writing!